Thank you David, for providing the text of the onboard safety announcement from the recent commuter flight from Tampa to Ft. Lauderdale... For all those who were too busy chatting to listen to the announcement, here you go:
Oh Gallant Lords and Ladies fair, if we could have your attention we’d like to share, the safety features of this Boeing which we need to do to get you going.
To fasten your seat belt it’s quite simple you see, slide the flat end into the buckle, lift to release, and you’re free. Your seatbelt should be worn on your hips tight and low so if we encounter turbulence you won’t move to and fro.
There are 6 emergency exits for you to use: 2 forward, 2 over-wing, 2 in the back, you choose. Signs overhead and lights on the floor will lead to the nearest emergency exit door. A safety information card is an arm’s length away. It’s in the seat back pocket just under the tray.
In the event of a water evacuation during the flight there is a life vest to help keep you upright. It’s in the container under your seat so reach down by your knees near your feet. Open the pouch take out the vest place it over your head so it covers your chest. Now go round your waist with the black strap and buckle in front leaving no gap. Now once outside the aircraft this is your next quest. Pull down on the red tab to inflate the vest. If that doesn’t work and you begin to feel like a boulder well just blow in the tube located at your shoulder.
Now make sure your seatback is up. Your tray is locked. Your bags are under the seat so the aisle’s not blocked.
This next small chapter was very tough to rhyme so I’m going to say it quickly only one time. (Said very quickly) smoking is never allowed on board the aircraft including the lavatories. Federal law prohibits tampering with, disabling or destroying any smoke detector in an aircraft lavatory. Federal Aviation regulations require passenger compliance with lighted passenger information signs, posted placards, and crew member instructions regarding seatbelts and smoking. So what I said there, in a whole bunch of words is, don’t smoke! Okay? Okay.
Although we don’t expect a decompression up there, if needed 4 oxygen masks will appear. Pull down on the mask stretch out the hose place it over your mouth so it covers your nose. Although the plastic bag may not inflate you are receiving oxygen, just breathe normally and wait. If you’re travelling with someone who might need help during the flight place your mask on first then put theirs on tight.
Now you know the safety info about this flying metal steed and know that we’re here, if there’s anything you need.
Folks, welcome aboard, we’re glad you’re here today. Thank you. (Pause) For those of you that were listening thank you very much we do appreciate that, and for those of you who weren’t listening, well best of luck to you.
David Hoehne / Flight Attendant
Fly safe everyone!